after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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