I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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