I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
