I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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