White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
