Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
