So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
