Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
