you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
