Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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