Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
