That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize