Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
