I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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