You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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