The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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