I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.