2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!