Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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(805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66

Replies (38) Good night (7456) Bad night (977)
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(347): View more from New York

I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning

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(347): I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning http://tfl.nu/a79g

Replies (10) Good night (4937) Bad night (903)
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(+86): View more from China

Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

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(+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6

Replies (10) Good night (5899) Bad night (1467)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

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(704): It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie. http://tfl.nu/rp9b

Replies (8) Good night (4104) Bad night (1147)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

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(423): I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit. http://tfl.nu/4gp7

Replies (27) Good night (1564) Bad night (7514)
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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.

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(512): I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25. http://tfl.nu/95s1

Replies (7) Good night (958) Bad night (1677)
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(770): View more from Georgia

You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."

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(770): You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt." http://tfl.nu/x17b

Replies (8) Good night (1498) Bad night (645)
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(631): View more from New York

Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.

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(631): Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week. http://tfl.nu/z2q6

Replies (2) Good night (1189) Bad night (502)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

God you're perfect.

(303): View more from Colorado

I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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(303): Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal. (1-303): God you're perfect. (303): I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier. http://tfl.nu/2wzm

Replies (5) Good night (2139) Bad night (598)
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(516): View more from New York

Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.

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(516): Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly. http://tfl.nu/i5qz

Replies (17) Good night (1278) Bad night (587)
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(760): View more from California

I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.

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(760): I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite. http://tfl.nu/b3g6

Replies (1) Good night (1446) Bad night (792)
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(210): View more from Texas

He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with

(1-210): View more from Texas

You went over didnt you?

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(210): He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with (1-210): You went over didnt you? http://tfl.nu/ykhn

Replies (5) Good night (1080) Bad night (724)
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(260): View more from Indiana

I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.

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(260): I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vnl1

Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (396)
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(913): View more from Kansas

It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch

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(913): It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch http://tfl.nu/1u6j

Replies (0) Good night (641) Bad night (388)
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(813): View more from Florida

Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.

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(813): Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik. http://tfl.nu/pztu

Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (479)

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