Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
