Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
