Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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