You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?