And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
