oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10