We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.