if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
