batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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