It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
