I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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