She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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