I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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