Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
