i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
