So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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