her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize