This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
