Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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