Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
