why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
