I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
