There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
