Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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