so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
