Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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