Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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