I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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