I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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