North Korea, Best Korea!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can I color on your dick again?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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