what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
