I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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