you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
