I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There are leaves in my underwear?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
