so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
