I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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