why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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