i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
