my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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