So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
