the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
