3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
