somebody snuck up and got me drunk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
