as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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