Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
