11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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