You're completely useless in the revolution.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
