so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
