Porn is love you can see.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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