just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
