so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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