I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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