alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
