I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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