Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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