SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
whose parrot is this?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
