Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
