Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
