i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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