I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
