I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
