After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
