I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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